Another day, another plan...

Well, today was a day spent on the phone......aren't some days just like that???

Part of the phone time was with the doctors office. My 11 year old has had a very strange rash the last few days that seems to be spreading from her leg to her buttocks and chest. At first I thought it was ringworm, but it's not symmetrical enough, and no scaliness. It's more splatter shaped and has little red pinpoints in it. Each spot is the size of a dime, or a bit smaller, and very itchy.

The doctor finally got back with me around 11am and told me that she thinks it might be hives. She ordered Benedryl and for me to watch for more spots, size changes, or swelling of the face. Don't know about that last thing, sort of scares me, but I am following her directions and in 24 hours we will see if there is any change. At least she doesn't think she's contagious. I hope she's right. All we need right now is some other catastrophe.

As far as the other catastrophe that's been going on in our house, well, our girl is going to be very unhappy in the morning. The deputy that came the on the call morning before last called also this morning to say he was coming at around 11am to interview our girl. He wants me present. I told him that she is not likely to say anything useful or cooperate with me there. He said he wanted to try and if he couldn't get what he wants that way, he'll take her outside to talk to her. Wouldn't hurt to put a little fear into her, but I don't think he will. Or will he??? hmm......

I also spent the morning talking to the social worker/counselor that has been talking to my girl. She wants me to have some counselling as well and has arranged it with the other gal there that I have already been talking with. This will be good. We talked today about the events of the week and what has been happening since we last spoke on Monday. She is just shocked at the brazen way this guy just thumbs his nose at the law and at us. She couldn't believe that he was stupid enough to come back again. I told her I think it's more of a "I'm going to show the parents that I am in control here.." situation, rather than "I love her that much" kind of thing. After all, if he really cared about her, he wouldn't put himself in jeopardy of being sent to jail.

And I told my daughter that if she truly loved him, she would not have gone with him and put him in that position either. Playing devils advocate here, but hey, I really have run out of things to try and get her to show some recognition of wrong doing here.

The counselor and I both agree that this guy is a criminal and needs to be behind bars and away from putting another family in this position, and from furthering the problems with ours he has already caused. My daughter may be able to come to terms with this if he was taken out of the picture. We are both praying that he will be caught and sent to jail soon. No thanks to the King county sheriff's department and their careless ways.

The counselor was telling me that she knows of a lady that had a restraining order out on her ex-boyfriend, and he was physically assaulting her every chance he got, and the sheriff department did nothing to protect her. They consider restraining orders pretty low on their priority list, and unless there is an actual assault in progress, or a weapon involved or something like that, they act like they just don't care. What really has to happen? Does he have to actually disappear with her and not come back, harm her in some way for them to get the message that this is a serious matter??? And what about the unborn child involved? Do they care about that??? Apparently they don't or he would already have gone to jail when I called them the other day.

Anyway......

Not everything today was about that. I got to shred my daughter's prom dress and cover it is fake dirt and blood. For her Halloween costume, she is going as a dead prom queen, been neck slashed. Looks very cool!! I taxied around my 15 year old to help build the sets for their play, and back again. Took some very pretty pictures of Mount Rainer from the parking lot of the school. How lucky are we to have such a lovely area to live in? Get rid of the perverts and it's just about perfect........;)

The really bad part of the day is that I put my back out again. Not really bad this time, but it still hurts. Stress does that to me more than anything. Guess I should count myself lucky that I haven't done that long before now with all that's been going on here huh?

My son is having a friend over for the night. He really deserves that diversion right now. Hey, some things need to remain normal around here right?

We picked up my step-son from the train, and he went directly to a friends house instead of coming here. I wasn't to happy about that, but I really didn't get a say in it either. What a double standard that is. I am expected to include my husband in every single decision that goes on in our home with my children, but he doesn't do that with his. And if I question it, I am doing something wrong. My husband is becoming increasingly more difficult to deal with over the last few weeks. He has been short and rude with me, and over demanding with the kids. He barks at everyone just to bark, and even when there is a reason, he over does it and sometimes on the wrong people. My 15 year old got bawled out all the way home last night from rehearsal for no real reason other than he was feeling out of sorts and wanted to complain. Granted there was a valid subject about her dirty room, but he does it in a very venomous and hateful way. And he goes on and on and makes them feel like crap.(and usually he jumps in when I'm already talking to them about it, and takes over. Something I also don't need him to do for heaven sake!) I don't find this necessary or helpful. Especially when he hasn't even said hello to her after not seeing her for over 15 hours. Also he complains about me to them, and says somethings that are designed just to be a complaint with no real basis. And they don't want to hear this, or is it even necessary. I don't do that to him with his kids, or mine. This is something we have had many talks about before. Recently in fact.

Don't get me wrong, I love my husband dearly, but there are some obvious things that he has problems with that really have to be addressed and changed if he expects to have any kind of meaningful relationship with these kids. I include his own boy in this. I am not a perfect parent, but I do know that barking down a kids neck to make a point, or get a job done, is not going to get you what you want. And acting like you are in a house full of criminals, and barking out orders the minute you walk into a room is not going to endear you to anyone. It will get you just the opposite of that. People tend to want to back away from and not be around someone like that. And it certainly will not get a child to do what you want or make them feel inclined to want to have a close relationship with you.

Now I have made it clear to my children that I am not their friend, but I don't think it's fair to act like I'm their enemy either. My dear husband refuses to listen to me. When I try and tell him these things he takes it as an attack on his character and he retaliates by trying to turn the conversation around to a "things I hate about you" session. I realized early on in our relationship that he has a problem, what I call a "I'm going hurt you before you can hurt me" mentality when it comes to personal criticism's. I think it's one of the things that has hurt him most in his life and past relationships. While he can be very compassionate, and loving, and even thoughtful in alot of ways, this one thing keeps him from really realizing his full potential. He really has to stop being so negative. His "The sky if falling" attitude about everything gets really tiring.

I wonder if he knows how close he is to having everything he has dreamed of in his head, if only he would let his heart be open to this one area that he knows full well is a problem, and make the changes that he knows he needs to make. When he didn't want to hear me the other day, he started spouting off about how I never think of the stress that he is having, and how bad he has been feeling about things in our home, and with our finances. He was saying that he was so depressed that he had even considered taking himself out. This is such a selfish and useless thing to say. Did he think that was going to be helpful to me in some way?? Did he think that was going to solve anything for any of us?

And then there was the other night when he called me from work and was upset, because he had worked himself into a lather once again about things. He was saying how the only way he could see to make things work financially was to leave me and the kids and move into a little apartment and have us go on welfare and funnel money to us from outside. WHAT????!!!! Now I ask you, who does this??? How the heck did he even think of something that dumb?? And just how did he think that was going to help our family??? And how did he think he was going to have a marriage that way? I told him what I thought of that thought process and got him to settle down and move away from that subject once again. So you see, my children are not my only source of stress here right now.

In some ways, he is much like his boy, not unwilling to see the problem, but too lazy to make the changes, because it's hard. Heaven knows I've made alot of changes in my life, I don't like hearing that I have flaws either, but I do, and I try to change them if I can. I feel more like a failure now in my life than I ever have. As a parent, as a wife, and as a person. Boy, is that feeling sorry for myself or what???

I feel like my husband needs to be doing more to support me right now, and not creating more problems with the other children. What we need is more unity, not more chaos. I know that there are things not done in our house, and that he is irritated by that. But he also refuses to see that he is a contributor to the clutter and even though he is the bread winner, he could do more to help out around here. It seems to easy for him to think that he can point out what's not getting done, or what's not clean(he cooks sometimes, which I appreciate, but then leaves the mess for me), instead of realizing that he should just chip in and help make it better instead of being always complaining and expecting someone else to do it. Whatever IT is. I am only one person, and WE are suppose to be a team. I wonder if I am the only wife that thinks this way?

Other things bug me too, but I try not to let them control how I live my life with my spouse, because they are not important in the grand scheme of things. There is a bigger picture here that is so much more important that being petty and picky. I feel drained emotionally and physically right now.

I need my spouse to be on my side, and by my side more than ever, and not making me feel worse than I already do. I also need him to be more loving and act like a father instead of the police and the drill Sargent in our home with the children. I don't want him telling them they can't be scared of spiders, or the dark, or have any of the other normal childhood fears and feelings that they do, even if they are 11 and 15. They will be adults and out in the cold cruel world soon enough, let them be children, and feel like mom and dad can "make it better" for a little while longer while we still can. It won't last forever..........as is evident in our 16 year old.

What I would give for just one boring day.....

Well, it's been another couple of days since I last blogged here. We got through Monday and Tuesday pretty smoothly except for a few miscellanous activities for several children, including rehearsal for a play, and water polo. I was working on getting some birthday cakes ready for 3 of my good friends who all had birthdays this week, starting on Tuesday and the final one was just yesterday. I love these gals, so I do something special just from me, of the "sweet tooth" variety! LOL Death by Chocolate cake covered in dark chocolate ganache, covered on the sides with crushed macadamia nuts, and drizzled with carmel icing. Each one monogramed with their initials. I started them on Monday night. Got the cakes baked anyways. Tuesday I was up till very late(around 3am) working on ganache, icings, and cake plates. I retired upstairs only to be met by one of my twins, my 15 year old girl, who was having trouble sleeping. I had her come and climb in bed with her old mom and we chatted and watched a Judy Garland special on PBS.



I was looking for something in the kids bathroom, I forget what now, and I noticed how filthy it was. I have been after them for a week to clean it up! I decided that I was going to send them a message that they couldn't ignore. I went and got my ugliest lipstick that I never wear and wrote in all caps across the mirror: "CLEAN THIS ROOM!!!" That was about 3:45am. I went back to my room and left the door open.



At 4am or so my 16 year old went to the bathroom. On her way back to bed she said to me, "Nice note mom..." I chuckled and she closed her door. The 15 year old was wondering about that one. She thought she was talking in her sleep! LOL We finished the show and turned off the TV and then chatted for about 15 minutes before we both fell asleep finally. That was abour 4:30a.m.



At 5:15a.m. my son wakes me to tell me that my 16 year old is missing. She's not in the house, he has already made a sweep and knows she is gone from the house. I get up and look myself, and see he is correct. We then notice that the glass doors on the deck are unlocked and the light is now off. The switch is in the on position though. I already have 911 on the phone at this point. I have called her in as a runaway and I tell them I know who she is with. I give a detailed discription of the guy, and I tell them that we have a restraining order against him. I also tell them that this is not the first violation of it that he has done. They tell me that they have an officer in route. I hang up and call my huband at work. He tells me to get out the paperwork and have it ready. The dispatcher calls me back and asks for more details on the pervert. I hang up and walk out the front door to see my daughter hand in hand, walking towards the house, about 100 feet away. He sees me and starts running down the street away from her. I order her into the house and then shout to him that I have already called the police. He then stops running and puts his hands in his pockets and just walks normally down the street. I go in and grab the phone and call 911 again and tell them that if they hurry, they can catch him as he is still on the street, and in my line of vision. What a waste of breath that was.



The dispatcher made up her own interpretation of that and told the officers that he had fled and not to worry about responding right away. Yet another screw up by King county sheriff's department!! Losers!! After I, AGAIN, chewed out my daughter and asked her another question that she didn't answer, my other 3 children felt they just couldn't let this go without having their turn too. About time she heard from someone besides the parents here. She acted as though she was the victim of all our ridicule and that we had no right to be upset with her. She refused to look at them, or answer their questions. She was snotty and rude and showed no remorse whatsoever. After about 20 minutes of this, I told them that it was getting them nowhere, answer wise, so they needed to get ready for school. I included her in this as well. Everyone left for school same as normal. I went out after they left to examine the deck.



I found that this guy had unscrewed the lightbulb, and over turned one of my big flower pots to stand on. He then stepped on my porch rocking chair, leaving on it the dog crap that he had stepped in on the lawn, and then the BBQ grill lid, leaving a scratch mark about 6 inches long. He had to have used either the mop handle or the toilet plunger that my kids left out there to then knock on the window to my daughters room. Pretty complicated and well thought out plan I think. He must have worked out this new plan since he was on the property since the 12th when I caught him myself there at 2am. Since then we have left the light on because my other children have not felt safe.



He's not a rocket scientist, he's obessed, and that has made him very resourceful. Much to our anger and annoyance. My daughter is so caught up in the "romantisim" of it that she can't see that he is just a loser who doesn't really care about her, no matter what he tells her. He is doing it now to prove a point. That he can do it no matter what we or the law thinks. It's a control thing for him now, not for love.



Tonight my son and I did a little booby trapping. We cable locked the side gate on the big yard side of the house, tied the other gate, the one on the dark side of the house, and we trip wired(parachute rope) the stairs to the deck. We also removed all the furniture, and everything else from the deck and then thoroughly cleaned it. Soo.......let's see him do it now! He's going to have to be really stupid to do anything now. I will be watching though, and my gun will be close by just in case. I sort of hope he does try to get in again, just so I can see him fall on his stupid face.



Ok......well I am logging for the night. Gotta shut down this computer so he can't see any light from the house if he comes........how sad I have to resort to this isn't it? Another night with little sleep. I'm soo tired of this..........

I can't even remember what real sleep feels like...

Ok, it's been a few days, a week really, since I last posted. A quick update...We put a restraining order into effect(temporary until morning when we go to court to make it permanent) on Monday night. It didn't even take him one day to violate it! I'll get into more detail about what's going on when I get back from court tomorrow. Let's just say for now that my daughter had alot of cry time tonight when we busted her for being with this guy yesterday when she was suppose to be with friends at the homecoming dance. She really thought she had gotten away with it too. Sad, silly, twisted up little girl. It's killing me to watch her do this to herself. It's a nightmare of her own making and she has dragged us all along for the ride.

My other children are getting pretty sick of this by now, and are complaining about her drama taking over the family, and occupying all of our time. I don't blame them a bit. It's just hard not to make her the focus when she keeps us up at night, and we have to monitor her movements 24/7. I cried all day today. Mostly from lack of sleep, but in part because of stress.

Some of the time she is happy. Ironically it seems to be when she is spending time with us, despite what she posts on her myspace, and e-mails to friends, and just plain spouts off about in public, about us. Of course we are the cause of her making her terrible choices, and we have made her life a hell, and every other thing she can come up with to help her justify her poor behavior and choices. As I pointed out to her, this the behavior of a guilty person.

We had a bit of a "knock down, drag out" so to speak tonight. She had her laptop open and a chat window up, with someone that she is not suppose to be talking to, and the guy who we have the restraining order against. When I told her to give it to my husband(he was closest to her physically at the time) she automatically went to shut it down, and turned her body away from him, and wouldn't give it. When he went to take it from her, she backed into a full clothes hamper and basket behind her and they both started to go down. She automatically thought he was attacking her, and she started hitting him. Once he regained his balance, and realized what was going on, with me shouting at her to stop, he was able to haul her to her feet, and take the laptop. She was cussing at him and telling him not to touch her ever again, not realizing that she in fact caused the whole thing. Then of course she tried playing the, holding her tummy and acting like she was hurt thing. *mom rolls eyes here* And of course there was the fake hyperventilating thing too. That didn't last long once I told her to just settle down and take a deep breath.

We spent the next hour or so going over her day of lies the day before. What she didn't realize is that we had visited the home of the friend that she had told us she was with the entire day, that morning, and we also visited the mom of the girl she isn't suppose to be talking to anymore. We had a jacket she came home in last night, which of course belongs to the father of the baby, and is proof that he has indeed violated the restraining order. And her admittion of being with him and also visiting his family that day. I guess that was to see if they could get support for their inappropriate relationship from that side. I don't know what was really said there, but I don't take it with any credibility at all. His family kicked him out at 17 and are mainly a bunch of druggies and losers.

What I can't understand in all this is why my very smart, and quite beautiful girl would have gotten herself into this situation in the first place.

Right now I am truly as tired as I have ever been in my life. This entry will have to be short this time because I have got to get some sleep, whatever that means. We have an early day for court and a lot of errands to do before the school bus starts dropping kids off to home. Feel free to tell me your thoughts............more later. Thanks for listening....

How the heck did I get here??

Do you sometimes ever feel like you are living someone else's life??? Right now that's how I feel. I mean it can't possibly be mine, this isn't how I planned it. Let me tell you what I mean.



I am the wife of 3 years to my second husband, and a mom to my four kids, and two step kids. Now, each one of these "cast" members have their own stories to be told, but for now I am focusing on the one child who has thrown our family into a great turmoil, and herself into about the worst possible dissaster she could at this point in her life.

My dear daughter is just 16. She turned 16 in June. From that very day it seems that she had the notion that this makes her a free agent, able to come and go as she pleases, make her own schedule; which she thinks makes it manditory that us parents become her servants and drive her to, or simply nod yes to everything she thinks she's entitled to do. *Mom rolls eyes here*

To add to that she decided to that it would be an ok thing to involve herself with someone that clearly we would not only dissaprove of but that we are now seeking criminal charges against. And why you might be wondering? He has gotten my little girl pregnant. Yes, I said pregnant.

We just found out last Tuesday, and she's already about 2 months along. Perhaps a little more. We won't really know until she sees her doctor this next two weeks.