Friday, October 26, 2007

Another day, another plan...

Well, today was a day spent on the phone......aren't some days just like that???

Part of the phone time was with the doctors office. My 11 year old has had a very strange rash the last few days that seems to be spreading from her leg to her buttocks and chest. At first I thought it was ringworm, but it's not symmetrical enough, and no scaliness. It's more splatter shaped and has little red pinpoints in it. Each spot is the size of a dime, or a bit smaller, and very itchy.

The doctor finally got back with me around 11am and told me that she thinks it might be hives. She ordered Benedryl and for me to watch for more spots, size changes, or swelling of the face. Don't know about that last thing, sort of scares me, but I am following her directions and in 24 hours we will see if there is any change. At least she doesn't think she's contagious. I hope she's right. All we need right now is some other catastrophe.

As far as the other catastrophe that's been going on in our house, well, our girl is going to be very unhappy in the morning. The deputy that came the on the call morning before last called also this morning to say he was coming at around 11am to interview our girl. He wants me present. I told him that she is not likely to say anything useful or cooperate with me there. He said he wanted to try and if he couldn't get what he wants that way, he'll take her outside to talk to her. Wouldn't hurt to put a little fear into her, but I don't think he will. Or will he??? hmm......

I also spent the morning talking to the social worker/counselor that has been talking to my girl. She wants me to have some counselling as well and has arranged it with the other gal there that I have already been talking with. This will be good. We talked today about the events of the week and what has been happening since we last spoke on Monday. She is just shocked at the brazen way this guy just thumbs his nose at the law and at us. She couldn't believe that he was stupid enough to come back again. I told her I think it's more of a "I'm going to show the parents that I am in control here.." situation, rather than "I love her that much" kind of thing. After all, if he really cared about her, he wouldn't put himself in jeopardy of being sent to jail.

And I told my daughter that if she truly loved him, she would not have gone with him and put him in that position either. Playing devils advocate here, but hey, I really have run out of things to try and get her to show some recognition of wrong doing here.

The counselor and I both agree that this guy is a criminal and needs to be behind bars and away from putting another family in this position, and from furthering the problems with ours he has already caused. My daughter may be able to come to terms with this if he was taken out of the picture. We are both praying that he will be caught and sent to jail soon. No thanks to the King county sheriff's department and their careless ways.

The counselor was telling me that she knows of a lady that had a restraining order out on her ex-boyfriend, and he was physically assaulting her every chance he got, and the sheriff department did nothing to protect her. They consider restraining orders pretty low on their priority list, and unless there is an actual assault in progress, or a weapon involved or something like that, they act like they just don't care. What really has to happen? Does he have to actually disappear with her and not come back, harm her in some way for them to get the message that this is a serious matter??? And what about the unborn child involved? Do they care about that??? Apparently they don't or he would already have gone to jail when I called them the other day.

Anyway......

Not everything today was about that. I got to shred my daughter's prom dress and cover it is fake dirt and blood. For her Halloween costume, she is going as a dead prom queen, been neck slashed. Looks very cool!! I taxied around my 15 year old to help build the sets for their play, and back again. Took some very pretty pictures of Mount Rainer from the parking lot of the school. How lucky are we to have such a lovely area to live in? Get rid of the perverts and it's just about perfect........;)

The really bad part of the day is that I put my back out again. Not really bad this time, but it still hurts. Stress does that to me more than anything. Guess I should count myself lucky that I haven't done that long before now with all that's been going on here huh?

My son is having a friend over for the night. He really deserves that diversion right now. Hey, some things need to remain normal around here right?

We picked up my step-son from the train, and he went directly to a friends house instead of coming here. I wasn't to happy about that, but I really didn't get a say in it either. What a double standard that is. I am expected to include my husband in every single decision that goes on in our home with my children, but he doesn't do that with his. And if I question it, I am doing something wrong. My husband is becoming increasingly more difficult to deal with over the last few weeks. He has been short and rude with me, and over demanding with the kids. He barks at everyone just to bark, and even when there is a reason, he over does it and sometimes on the wrong people. My 15 year old got bawled out all the way home last night from rehearsal for no real reason other than he was feeling out of sorts and wanted to complain. Granted there was a valid subject about her dirty room, but he does it in a very venomous and hateful way. And he goes on and on and makes them feel like crap.(and usually he jumps in when I'm already talking to them about it, and takes over. Something I also don't need him to do for heaven sake!) I don't find this necessary or helpful. Especially when he hasn't even said hello to her after not seeing her for over 15 hours. Also he complains about me to them, and says somethings that are designed just to be a complaint with no real basis. And they don't want to hear this, or is it even necessary. I don't do that to him with his kids, or mine. This is something we have had many talks about before. Recently in fact.

Don't get me wrong, I love my husband dearly, but there are some obvious things that he has problems with that really have to be addressed and changed if he expects to have any kind of meaningful relationship with these kids. I include his own boy in this. I am not a perfect parent, but I do know that barking down a kids neck to make a point, or get a job done, is not going to get you what you want. And acting like you are in a house full of criminals, and barking out orders the minute you walk into a room is not going to endear you to anyone. It will get you just the opposite of that. People tend to want to back away from and not be around someone like that. And it certainly will not get a child to do what you want or make them feel inclined to want to have a close relationship with you.

Now I have made it clear to my children that I am not their friend, but I don't think it's fair to act like I'm their enemy either. My dear husband refuses to listen to me. When I try and tell him these things he takes it as an attack on his character and he retaliates by trying to turn the conversation around to a "things I hate about you" session. I realized early on in our relationship that he has a problem, what I call a "I'm going hurt you before you can hurt me" mentality when it comes to personal criticism's. I think it's one of the things that has hurt him most in his life and past relationships. While he can be very compassionate, and loving, and even thoughtful in alot of ways, this one thing keeps him from really realizing his full potential. He really has to stop being so negative. His "The sky if falling" attitude about everything gets really tiring.

I wonder if he knows how close he is to having everything he has dreamed of in his head, if only he would let his heart be open to this one area that he knows full well is a problem, and make the changes that he knows he needs to make. When he didn't want to hear me the other day, he started spouting off about how I never think of the stress that he is having, and how bad he has been feeling about things in our home, and with our finances. He was saying that he was so depressed that he had even considered taking himself out. This is such a selfish and useless thing to say. Did he think that was going to be helpful to me in some way?? Did he think that was going to solve anything for any of us?

And then there was the other night when he called me from work and was upset, because he had worked himself into a lather once again about things. He was saying how the only way he could see to make things work financially was to leave me and the kids and move into a little apartment and have us go on welfare and funnel money to us from outside. WHAT????!!!! Now I ask you, who does this??? How the heck did he even think of something that dumb?? And just how did he think that was going to help our family??? And how did he think he was going to have a marriage that way? I told him what I thought of that thought process and got him to settle down and move away from that subject once again. So you see, my children are not my only source of stress here right now.

In some ways, he is much like his boy, not unwilling to see the problem, but too lazy to make the changes, because it's hard. Heaven knows I've made alot of changes in my life, I don't like hearing that I have flaws either, but I do, and I try to change them if I can. I feel more like a failure now in my life than I ever have. As a parent, as a wife, and as a person. Boy, is that feeling sorry for myself or what???

I feel like my husband needs to be doing more to support me right now, and not creating more problems with the other children. What we need is more unity, not more chaos. I know that there are things not done in our house, and that he is irritated by that. But he also refuses to see that he is a contributor to the clutter and even though he is the bread winner, he could do more to help out around here. It seems to easy for him to think that he can point out what's not getting done, or what's not clean(he cooks sometimes, which I appreciate, but then leaves the mess for me), instead of realizing that he should just chip in and help make it better instead of being always complaining and expecting someone else to do it. Whatever IT is. I am only one person, and WE are suppose to be a team. I wonder if I am the only wife that thinks this way?

Other things bug me too, but I try not to let them control how I live my life with my spouse, because they are not important in the grand scheme of things. There is a bigger picture here that is so much more important that being petty and picky. I feel drained emotionally and physically right now.

I need my spouse to be on my side, and by my side more than ever, and not making me feel worse than I already do. I also need him to be more loving and act like a father instead of the police and the drill Sargent in our home with the children. I don't want him telling them they can't be scared of spiders, or the dark, or have any of the other normal childhood fears and feelings that they do, even if they are 11 and 15. They will be adults and out in the cold cruel world soon enough, let them be children, and feel like mom and dad can "make it better" for a little while longer while we still can. It won't last forever..........as is evident in our 16 year old.

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