The following words are in response to a post I made about our family situation on a forum I am a member of:

I guess I have a different outlook than some people while reading all this
because I also was the one acting out. I had a complete control freak for a
mother and everything had to be her way or she'd go nuts and lash out at
everyone, to the point of locking me inside the house and beating me with a belt
when I was 18. In between her fits, she was a manic depressive. So maybe that's
why I see some of your daughters side in this too. It seems to me that you got
pissed off that she just wouldn't do what you wanted her to--stop dating this
man, hanging out with people you didnt want her to, etc--I'm sure she wondered
whether you didn't approve because it wasn't your idea. I know that one of my
main issues with my mother ever having something to say about any of my
boyfriends was that she was divorced from a loser--so what made her think that
she had any right to say something to me. And so it sounds like she started to
take it to extremes because you kind of went nuts on her. When she was blatantly
disobeying, you couldnt handle it that she just didnt want to do what you said,
so it was easier to just be rid of her. Then you shipped her off because you
didn't want to deal with her, she got pregnant and came back. She made you mad
again and instead of you sitting down with her and realizing that the way you're
approaching this, the "my way or no way" isnt working, it's pushing her away
more, making her rebel more, you turned the family against her and then you sent
her away again. I know that she rebelled against you, but instead of being there
for her, you're hell-bent and determined to punish-punish-punish until she sees
the error of her ways and begs your forgiveness. I dont foresee that happening.
So now she's at her dad's again--where she got pregnant, from what I understand
from reading--and you don't want a thing to do with her. Totally rid of her, but
you still want to control her every move. Either you want to be rid of her or
you don't. You don't get to ship her off and still play mommy. If you want to
rule her life, then stop shipping her off when you can't handle it. If you want
your ex-husband to deal with her, then let him. It's his house, his way. If you
want her on total lockdown just to make yourself feel better, send her to
military school. I just feel like you're still really pissed with your daughter,
and now with her dad because he's not doing what you say. Sounds like you have
some control issues. If she can have a normal life at her dad's house, let
bygones be bygones and just be happy, then why not give her that chance? When it
becomes a "because I said so" issue, the original point tends to be lost and
loving your daughter becomes second place to "my way because I want it to be."
Just my opinion. I know, Let the flaming begin. Just saying that you might want
to see at least some of this from your daughters point of view. She probably
doesnt feel like anyone really loves her right now because no one has the balls
enough to step in in a just LOVE her instead of trying to send her to another
place when they cant handle it. I think stability would help a lot. Letting her
be her own person, and not a little "you" would help a lot. Respect her and she
might just respect you back.

My answer to this poster was this:

To Lookaway.....apparently you aren't a parent. And I am sorry your mother treated you the way you say she did, but don't judge me that way. You don't know me, you haven't lived my life, nor do you understand what we've been through. You are still looking at things with your "teen-age eyes" if you think it's ok for you to make the statements you have about me and my situation. And obviously you are not a parent yourself, or you are a very young one that hasn't yet gotten to the teen-age stage with your own. What has taken place in our family has been the sole doing of my daughter. I've acted out of fear and concern for my daughter's well being and safety and would do it again in a heartbeat. As for your statement about sending her away because I didn't want to deal with the situation anymore......SHAME ON YOU!! How dare you even suggest that. I've done everything possible to keep her here and get her to change her behavior. The only reason that she is where she is now is because I do have 3 other children in my home who do not deserve to have their lives distroyed by their sister just because she thinks she can do and act anyway she pleases. She's there because I would rather have her there with other family than send her to foster care with strangers. I love my daughter beyond all reason, and that is why I have done what I have as her mother. She will either come to know that in time, or she will be sad for a long time in her life. That is her choice, just as it was while she was still in my home. Things are not "My way or the highway" as you seem to suggest. It's a matter of choice and consequence. Everything we do in life has a consequence, good or bad. If you make bad choices, you will always get negative results for it. If you make good choices, you get good results. It's that simple. My daughter has been taught all her life that she can do anything in this life that she wants, if she deserves it, and if it will be edifying to her life. Meaning, if it's good and worth having. She also knows that she MAY NOT live her life and make bad choices, and use somone else's mistakes as an excuse for her own. We are responsible for our own choices and actions in this life. That goes for you too young lady...*speaking to lookaway* So next time you set out to comment on someone else's parenting skills, you better be prepared for the consequences. Sounds like you could use some counseling of your own.