Update on things at our house

I can see that it's been a long time since I updated things at our house. We have been to "Hell" and back since then.... We did the court thing and got a permanent restraining order against this pervert...and then my ex called to tell me that our daughter was pregnant! That was on October 2nd. We decided that she was not ready to come home even though she was pregnant and was crying for her "mommy" and wanted to come home. When he sat her down and started to ask her a few questions about the father of the child, she apparently started showing some of the resistance and attitude to him that she did me, and the next thing I know I'm getting a call telling me she will be flying in on that following sunday. GRRR!!! I should have known that he would do that, the big baby!!! What a waste of skin he is as a parent... I paid a visit to the so called friend of hers that she just thinks is the be all end all, when in reality she is the worst kind of person she could possibly be around. Her family are a bunch of messed up, drug using, liberal(to the point of being stupid), and blind to their own daughter using their 9 year old girl as a punching bag, lousy people. Some friends of mine that have known them for about 11 years now have been telling me all kinds of things about them, and none of it good, all of it disturbing and some of it down right scary. Not who I want my daughter hanging around, and certainly it is not who we need while we are going through such a personal and emotional time. I asked this mother and her daughter to please stay away from my daughter and let us handle this as a family, and without any outside interference. They agreed and said that they would comply with my wishes. I should have known that would not be what would happen... As it turns out once we got her home, she was more determined than ever to hook up with this pervert and the family I had asked to stay away were facilitating the contact and even letting them meet at their home. Despite their denying it. At this point our daughter had told the doctor that she figured she was about 6 weeks along. When I asked her when she first had sex with this man she said August 13th. Another lie. Let's see, this brings us up to about October 9th. Everything seemed to be going fairly ok, relatively speaking, for about 2 weeks, we made an appointment for her first doctors visit here(she had her first at her father's with his doctor: the same doctor that delivered her...) which was to be October 31st. She asked if she could go to the homecoming dance(for a "last hurrah") with a group of friends on the 20th. I said ok. She told me that she was going to be meeting up with her friends(not the one that I don't like, which should have been a huge red flag I know.....but hey, I was hoping that she was turning over a new page. Silly me...). The were going to spend the day doing each other's nails, she would go with them while they got their hair done, and then grab some lunch and go back to get ready for the dance. They were suppose to be going to Denny's after the dance, and then to one of the girls houses to watch a movie, and then home by 2:30am. The plan was so distinctfully laid out that I believed her and she even agreed to leave me a phone number and address where she would be so I could call her if I needed to for some reason. I said I would drive her to the friends house so she didn't have to take a bus, I don't really like that idea anyway since all the wierdos ride the bus system anymore. She took off before I could get downstairs to drive her, but left a detailed schedule of events for the day on the kitchen message board, minus the reqested phone number or address. (Am I just the stupidest mother alive or what??) I was immediately suspicous after that. I started looking for the phone number online for the girl she said she was going to be with, and an address. My 15 year old is in the drama club with this girl and told me that she lived near a grocery store in our town, but that was all she knew. I needed to run to town for a couple of things and took her with me. At the store we just happened to run into another friend of my 15 year old that not only knew this other girl, but pointed out the exact house to us while we were there. I went to that house and rang the doorbell. Looking at it now, I know that this girl was home and just didn't want to answer the door, because both family cars were there, but no one answered the door. When I got home, my daughter had called(how coinsidental is that???) and left a message with my 11 year old that she was with this girlfriend and that they were on their way to a neighboring town to get their nails done, and that she was just checking in. (Translation: The girlfriend I had tried to visit must have looked out and saw us and called my daughter where ever she was and told her that I had been there.) I was watching the caller Id and noted that the number was "Blocked" that she had called from. I knew then that she was not with the friend that she said she was going to be with. Since I didn't have any other information to go on, I just had to wait the rest of the day out and see what happened. Low and behold, about 3am she came walking up the street( we live on the outskirts of the city that they don't keep lit very well) in her homecoming dress and a pullover jacket that I recognized immediately as the same one that the pervert had worn to our house the night that we had him served with the restraining order and let him know just what we thought of him. Of course she told me a really outrageous lie about it, even after I plucked a red hair off of it. The pervert has red hair and a red beard. I took it away from her and sent her to bed. The next day we took all the children to church and left during sunday school to do some investigating. First we went to the friend she was suppose to have been with. After first lying about the day, she then started crying and told us the truth. That being that she had not seen our daughter the entire day, but knew full well what the plan was. She told us that she was sorry she lied, and she hoped that our daughter did not continue to act so stupidly. Next we headed up to talk to the other family(the one we previously asked to butt out). We were told again that they had not seen her all day, except for briefly just before the dance to touch up her makeup, and then at Denny's. But this girl said that she was with other friends and that our daughter was with "someone" else but would not say who. Her mother told us that she would talk to her daughter and get the truth out of her and call us, but she never did. That evening, I caught my daughter on her laptop online with not only this girl, but also with the pervert. I ordered her to take the laptop up to our room and leave it on the bed, and told her that she had now forfiet it due to her lack of following the rules, repeatedly. She took it up and put it on the foot of the bed. My husband started to pick it up and then she realized that she had left things open for us to access. She made a grab for it and said she was going to shut it down. I told her to let it go and leave it alone. She refused and started to back up trying to get it back from my husband. He did not let go. She pulled back even harder and stepped backwards into a laundry hamper that I had sat there to take down to do wash. In doing so she fell backwards and brought my husband down with her. He didn't land on her, he caught himself with one hand on the floor, while still holding the laptop with the other. My daughter started beating the crap out of him and screaming at him to get off her and "don't you f-ing ever touch me again..." My husband managed to right himself and get to his feet and also pulled her to her feet too. She ran to her room and I caught her arm and pulled her back into our room and made her sit on a stool. She started holding her middle and acting like she was in pain, and was acting all hysterical. I told her to take a breath, and pull herself together. There was nothing wrong with her except that she was caught in a lie and she didn't want to have to answer for it. After a couple of minutes she did and we informed her about what we knew. She confessed to us that she had infact spent the entire day with this pervert and that he had driven her to his parents house where they spent the better part of the day. They took this friend we don't like to the dance and dropped her off and then they left and went to dinner and then picked her up after the dance was over. He drove them both to her house and then my daughter walked home from there. To say I was livid would be an enormous understatement! I told my daughter that she was not going to be doing any more activities from then on out. She could not be trusted to go to the mailbox let alone anywhere else. She was mad of course, but oh well. I knew she was still hanging out with this girl at school, and saying all kinds of terrible things about us to her and anyone else that she thought would listen to her. This resulted in her 15 year old sister having to put up with alot of crap and in general make it very unpleasant and bad for her at school. My 16 year old just didn't care. She only cares about what she thinks will make her family look bad to others, not realizing that she is only making herself look crazy and troubled to those who matter. Anyway, as it turned out, the day before Halloween, she started what turned out to be, a horrible miscarriage. It started on Monday morning, and by midnight that night she was in full labor and I had her on pads in my room on my own bed. I was there with her until we had no choice but to call 911 and had to take her to the hospital. (I've been through 3 of these, but I don't remember ever having this much blood, as she did.) It was a long and very scary night. Before we left for the hospital she had another wave of pain that sent her to the bathroom floor calling for me. I got there in time to catch the main mass. (Sorry if I gross some of you out here, not my intention, but it is important to the story.) It looked to me to be much larger than what it should have been if she was as far along as she said she was. I noted it and told the doctor at the hospital later. They did an ultra sound and they confirmed that she had miscarried and they also said that her uterus was so enlarged that she must have been carrying twins(if her dates were accurate). I had a feeling that she was much farther along than she was admitting. My hunch was confirmed 4 days later when she developed breast leakage. I figured she was closer to 5 months than the almost 4 she thought(or as she lied about it) she was. I confirmed that with the doctor when I called her. Funny thing was that she asked me later if I had a medical background, because I seemed to know so much about things...Doh, I'm a mom, and I have been around for awhile????!!! Geesh, doesn't take a genius to "do the math" in this situation. Anyway, through the course of this whole terrible month, Pervert was still tapping on her window in the middle of the nights, and she was sneaking to meet him, however, and whenever she could. And once the pregnancy was over, she got much worse. I just didn't think that could happen, but it did. She became much more beligerant, and defiant, and rude. Not just with me, but with my husband, and with the other children in the home. Mainly she was just more and more out of control. She made no bones about telling me to my face that she doesn't have to do anything I say anymore, and that she planned to come and go as she pleases, etc. Her behavior at school with the "bad friends" became more blatent and more intense. The mother that I had asked to butt out was helping her too. I sent them one last e-mail message and told them that I wanted them to butt out, or I would have to take legal action against them. Next thing I know I am getting a call from a deputy who tells me that they had called him out there to show him this message and tell him that I had threatened them. He said he read the note, and informed them that it certainly was NOT a threat, but a request from one parent to another for them to stay out of our business and help us parent our daughter by not interfering in our business with our daughter. He told me that this mother had continuously, during their conversation, made reference to her daughter having a black belt in Karate, over and over, and he took that to be a threat on me and my husband. He said he was calling because he wanted us to know that he was on our side and that he though this lady was just crazy and then he advised US to go the next day and get a restraing order against them. He felt that they most definately posed a danger to us and our daughter, and they had no credibility with the sheriff department in the least. How's that for a confirmation???? Yet another source telling us that we are doing all the right things as parents. As it turns out, my daughter, who I love so dearly, came out and told us, during a confrontation by her sister and brother with me present, that not only was she going to keep doing what she had been doing, but that she had also been playing with drugs and alcohol all this time as well. I was just blown away!!! What???!!! This was the last straw. I told her that I could not allow her to remain in our home as long as she was living the way she is. Not when I have her brother and sisters still here, and she is being such a terrible example and so abusive as she is to us all. She kept saying, "So? Whatever...I don't care..." and that was it. I called her dad the next day, after I had gone to church and met with my bishop, having already talked to her counselor earlier that week, and they had advised me to follow through with the "At Risk Youth" process. This means that she would become a ward of the court and goes into foster care. Not emancipation, like she thought would happen...silly stupid girl. I told her dad that he could either take her to live with him, or she would be going to foster care, but she could not remain in my home any longer this way, not with the children. He agreed that she was out of control and that I have done everything I can for her as her mother, and then some. He also agreed that it's not fair to the other kids to have her remain. I put them all on the plane the day before thanksgiving, but only the 3 are coming back on Sunday. The other kids were happy to know that she was leaving and not returning. And sadly I have to say, the house is peaceful with her gone. It hurts my heart to say it, let alone feel it, however true it is. My fear now is that my ex(the wishy washy man that he is) is being fed alot of crap by my daughter this week and that he will try and start another kind of problem for me. He's been working for years to try and turn the kids against me and convince them that living with him is best. It's crap, and the courts have held him in contempt so many times for his bad behaviors and stupid stunts that he has no credibilty with them at all. But he has been able to hurt me in other ways. In the pocketbook, and that is his true intent. He once said that he would never pay me a dime of money.......and he has been trying to do just that ever since. I fully expect him to try this again...and he may even try to say that if I can't handle my one child, then maybe I shouldn't have the others.....the others' are smarter than he is, and know he will do anything to get out of paying child support, and he doesn't really want them with him. For now, my heart is utter broken, and I feel like the worst failure in the world. I have cried and cried, and I can't even look at my daughters room without feeling my heart break. I don't have a choice, I have to feed her fish(my fish now I guess).... I know that I should feel some relief that this contention is gone from my home, but I don't. All I feel is grief and a sense that I have lost my precious little girl. It's the worst thing I've ever been through. I can only hope that one day my daughter will be able to see all that I have done for her, and have tried to do for her, and she will be able to know that it was for her good, and not because I am the "phyco, and insane" old lady, she had called me. *heading to sleep with a very heavy heart*
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