One more in December 2007

Ok, the subject is still the same, but the previous comment was about whether or not we should let our kids have or attend sleep overs to try and prevent problems....here's my response to that:


I have given that alot of thought as well. I am generally a very cautious parent, especially in that area. I wasn't worried about it because the parent I thought I could trust, didn't tell about this guy until it was too late. And some of the time she was visiting, she didn't spend the night at all, just a few hours. Even so, it was not enough to deter this horrible thing from happening, and it isn't the whole problem with our girl either. The other major thing is her choice of friends. And not the one in whose house she met the pervert. We have had to deal with a whole different "friend" and I use that term very loosely here, and her meddling mother. Went so far as to take out a restraining order against them. Never had to serve it though, because by the time we went to, we already had to send our daughter away to her dad to live. A few hours ago ended the Christmas holiday, and with that came the first phone call I have had with my daughter in about 2 weeks. I've called twice before, once a week(it's all I can ever get anyone to answer the phone there). Both times I felt that she didn't really care to hear from me and didn't even give me the curtousy(spelling) to leave to a quiet room where we could talk. I called today, after trying 4 times, and I didn't get anyone to answer then either. Then about 5pm or so, she called. She wasn't expecting me to answer the phone I suppose, because she asked immediately for her siblings and I really had to make her talk to me. She warmed up, I guess, in a minute or two and we had a nice talk about what she was doing in choir, and trying out for a play the city was putting on(her dad insisted that she try out I guess) and what she got for Christmas. She normally would get very detailed and excited about what she got, but it turned out to be more of a "You wouldn't buy them for me, so they got them for me here..." kind of list of things, if you know what I mean? I didn't react the way I think she thought I would, I was pleasant and said, "That's really nice Stacee" and I meant it, but only half heartedly, but she didn't know it. There was the whole, "Thanks for the christmas gifts" in a really fake forced way, because she was really pissed because I didn't give her what I originally had purchased and planned to give her here. Instead I gave it to the family as a joint gift. It was a DDR(Dance Dance Revolution) game, and a race car driving game. Her dad bought her a brand spankin new X-Box360 because she probably told him that she was getting those. Jokes on him......he who is constantly crying poverty and telling my children that he shouldn't have to pay anything else but the child support. And I told him that I wasn't giving her what I planned or what she thought she was getting. I said I didn't think she deserved it after what she had put me through this last 6 months. What I really wanted to do is give her a bunch of that candy "lump of coal" and say, "This is what naughty girls get for Christmas".....but I didn't. But it is what she deserves. We ended our conversation on a sort of pleasant note, but I had to practiacally force an "I love you" out her, like she was gritting her teeth and really didn't want to say it. After all, she did tell me that she doesn't miss me, and she isn't the least bit homesick, since they have been "wining and dining" her the last 4 weeks. That is what they do instead of deal with real issues. You would think that was the end of it right? Not even close..... She asked to speak to her little sister next. She was not out of the room 5 minutes when she came back in, in tears and said that Stacee wanted to talk to me again. I asked why, and she said that she had let her know that she had told her that we had given the laptop computer that she never fully paid for, and that we had taken from her, to her brother. That computer was taken away, and we were asked to hold it for the police in case they were able to press criminal charges on the pervert. They eventually decided that they couldn't and we had in our safe until after she left. She had asked me if she could have it back if the police didn't need it anymore. I didn't really answer her. I told her that she didnt' deserve to have it. She stopped making payments on it as soon as she got involved with this pervert and still owed us about $400 on it. So in effect I repossed it. And that is my right. Apparently my daughter doesn't think so. She started in on me about the laptop and demanded that I either send her the $270 she paid back in July(her one and only payment), or the computer. I said she was getting neither, and she started swearing at me and say it was "Bull***** and that it belongs to her, and I better just send it the H*** there. Again I told her that she doesn't own the computer, and she was never getting it back anyway. I also told her that she was not going to swear at me either. She came back with "The Hell I won't..." and I then simply said, "Well then my dear daughter, this conversation is over," and I hung up. I felt bad that I hung up on her, but I was not about to let her have her little tryaid and treat me like that. She will not bring anymore drama into my home. I was also wondering where the heck her dad was when this was taking place???? She called back about 2 hours later, and talked to only the kids this time who answered the phone. I found out from them that she was using her dad's cell phone, because they don't have long distance. So I was wondering how she got the cell phone. Her sister said that it was really quiet there, so she asked how come and Stacee told her that the parents, my ex and his wife, had gone to bed because they had to get up about 4 am to take off for San Diego(again, leaving her to her own devices) on the truck with a load(he's a long haul trucker). So, either he's just a really big ass and gave her the phone to use at will, or he doesn't even know she called. I don't know. What I do know is that my heart is once again broken and I feel like I have lost my little girl for good now. She will dig her heels in even farther now against me and my husband. The selfish, foolish little girl doesn't realize that she is just hurting the people that love her, and she will be the one that is most hurt in the end. I am comfortable in knowing that I am doing the right things as her mother, and I am not going to back down or let her think that she has some right to talk to me or treat me the way that she does. I am going to call her dad tomorrow night and talk to him about a few things. I'll feel him out for how the phone call thing went today, because Iknow he lies to me all the time, and to his children, who can tell and don't fall for it anymore either. He will most likely make up some reason for not answering the phone, or he will be a snot, because his wife is present. We will see. This afternoon I have an appointment with my counselor. I really need it after this. Christmas was really nice until I talked to my daughter. Isn't that sad?