November 30, 2007 Home again...

Well I got my 3 kids home finally. What a day! The minute they stepped off the plane they started complaining to me about their dad. Their complaints are not only lagit, but totally warranted. This man will never ever, ever, be able to the right thing.....at least not in this life. For starters, my son informs me that his dad took him aside and said that I had dis-owned my daughter, and that he just wanted him to know that he would never ever do that to one of them, his door would always be open...HUH?????!!!!!! Where the h*** did he come up with that??!!! My son was wise enough to know that what his dad was saying was a crock and he was pissed that he even had the nerve to say it in the first place. Next my 15 year old girl tells me what took place the night before when he was suppose to let the kids talk to their sister and let her know how they felt about what she has been doing with her life, and how it has affected them. I had asked him to let them do this before they left there, as we had not been able to have the "group" counselling session we have an appointment for this week, to do that. The counselor was going to have that take place this week, but as she is not going to be there, they should have had the right to say their peice to her before they left her. That did not happen...GRR!!! Instead he sat them down and said, "Well your mother wanted us to have a family meeting, BUT we are not going to do it the way she wants it." He told them that he didn't want any sort of contention in his house and that if they didn't have something positive to say, then they may not speak. Of course that is just ridiculous!! Of course they don't have anything positive to say to her!!! *Rolls eyes and grits teeth here* His wife kept chiming in with little comments and shut them down whenever they started to brooch the topic of why she was there, and what they felt. He also allowed her to say that if they didn't want to be there, then he and she would rather they didn't bother to come. (Translation: I really don't want you here so it's ok with me if you don't want to come.) My 15 year old pretty much wears her feelings on her face, so when she realized that she was not going to be able to really say anything to her sister, her dad said to her, "Well come on it looks like you have something to say, so just say it." She said she chose not to even try because she knew that she would get shut down. And then there was the bit he had to say about me just being angry to be angry, and I need to just let this thing go with Stacee, and stop dwelling on it...so on and so on... What he is basically saying is that he thinks that we should just "let bygones be bygones", and not speak of anything that she has done or the effects her choices have had on the family ever. That she should just be given a pass on it and nothing else. WHAT A SIMPLTON!!!!! He has already given her a cell phone(the same one he gave them this summer that I sent back). The second she got it she started contacting the Pervert, and likely the "gool friend" that has been helping her see him from here. My son got a hold of the phone the day before they left and the morning they left and showed my ex where she had been texting the Perv, and the messages she had sent inviting him to some chat group she has obviously had enough time to join herself. This would be to facilitate contact with him too. My ex told my son that "oh those are from way back". My son pointed out to him that the messages are dated and the date they were sent and recieved are the days she has had the phone over this weekend. He blew that off too. This was just some of the stupid things that he did. My kids are so pissed at him right now for all this that they just don't know what to do. He was also pressing them for a commitment to come visit on their next winter break in February(I get them for Christmas). They said they are not inclined to go(except the 11 year old that has to until she is 12 in April) due to what took place last night. Now...get this. I called him to let him know they had arrived, and then I asked him about what the kids had said. First he flat out denies that he said to our son that I had disowned our daughter. In fact he denies he even had that conversation at all with him! Then he said that Stacee must have interpreted what I said to her that way. No way she could have, it's not what I said, in anyway. I believe he came up with that and did indeed say it to our son. Why should my son lie about that?? And so there was no mistake I re-explained why it is neccessary for her to be there and not here right now. You know the whole, because I love her and if she won't separate herself from the dangerous elements here, and make right choices, then I must do it for her. Not only for her, but for our other kids, who don't deserve what she has done to them. I said, "it's not fair that she has brought this into our home and made them afraid to be in their own home at night." I also talked to him about the crap that her sister has had to go through and put up with at school because of her. Also not fair. And because she shows that she doesn't care about them, or herself, she has to be away from them. And she needs to be away for her own good. I can't help her, not anymore. I remined him that he had agreed with me before she got there, even up to the day before she got on the plane, so he can't sit there and lie now and act like he doesn't know what I'm talking about. Again he tried to convince me that just letting it go is the best course of action for everyone.....what an ASS!!! I told him that doing that doesn't solve the problem, nor does it force our daughter to face what she has done and deal with it. And she needs to deal with it. More over, she needs to realize that her actions have affected more than just her life. And she refuses to do that. He was trying to say, "Don't you think that she feels bad about things?" I came back with "WHAT??!!! Hell no! If she felt bad she wouldn't be there right now!!" The point is that SHE DOESN'T FEEL BAD!! She sees nothing wrong with how she has acted or who she has done it with. And she definately has no regard for anyone else in her family, or anyone else that she has touched with her bad choices, and how it affects them. I mean for goodness sake, she was perfectly willing to let her teacher get into a bad situation and possibly lose her employment, just so she could be with this pervert and "show my mom"...and she was willing to emplicate a perfectly good friend in having her lie for her when she spent a day with him instead of her where she was suppose to be. Sooo, what makes her dad think that she a right to do anything except sit there and let her siblings tell her just how they feel????!!! Then I told him that I knew she had a phone and had been in contact with the perv. Of course he had to come up with some lame story there too, until I let him know that I knew what had been said and to whom, and that our son had told me his whole conversation with him about too. Here's the answer he had for all of it: "Well, if that's what they heard, or that's the translation they got out it, I'm sorry, that's their problem. " In other words, he's trying to say that they lied. WHATEVER!!!! I am soo freakin done with this loser. I love my daughter, but if this is how she sees me, and if this is what things are going to be like now, then I have to just back away for a while and let her go. I have nothing else to say to my ex, except maybe through my attorney which I am sure I will have to get again soon, because he will want to have custody changed and all that.....already sent an abaitment request to the state for paying less support.....loser. Anyway, my poor kids. They didn't deserve this. They are happy to be home and I doubt if they will want anything to do with him for a while. I don't blame them at all. I fear for their sister now that I know that their father has no intention of getting her help or making her accountable......